To be or not to be

"I don't know you."

2010-06-21T07:32:00.001-07:00

God has to put me through circumstances that really pain my heart in order for me to understand His word at a deeper level. His heart is actually hurting and aching as much when I chose to walk away and let other things crowd out His Lordship in my life.

It is of upmost importance to constantly spend time with Him, read His word, dwell in His presence, walk in His ways, and love Him.

At the end of the day, all of us, believers or not, will come to realize that He is the way, the truth and the life. If we do not love Him today, and acknowledge Him only when reality dawns on us that the lake of fire is where our soul is destined to be thrown in, it will be too late.

Later the others also came, "Sir! Sir!" they said. "Open the door for us!" But He replied, "I tell you the truth, I don't know you."

Perspective no.2

2010-06-14T03:59:00.000-07:00

Today was really a rewarding experience at Meranti, as I sorted out my thoughts, dealt with my inner feelings/struggles, and found my direction. I've taken away much from the teachers, students, peers, and even myself, as discussions started the ball rolling for myself to ponder about things I've always shelved aside, either because I refuse to face it or think about it in my own time. Finally! I'm forced to think about many things and discovered many really interesting and enlightening things for myself! :)

1) Goal of my teaching career: Bring God into my school, my speech and actions with colleagues and students, and be an exemplary christian, a caring teacher, a loving friend.

2) I'm going to ground myself with the instructions of God. As my peers brought up questions, and feedbacks/answers in response to the questions that were delivered made me really look at the application of God's word in my life. A few of what they said were really not very agreeable in my opinion, or it wasn't the best way to go around handling issues, but I knew right away, and had the certainty that all our questions are answered in the bible - ways to handle people, ways to handle issues,etc. Wisdom comes from above. Not man.

I know I need God. Without Him, I'll only mess up my life and forget my purpose of living.

Meranti is great! Looking forward to the last session tmr. I'm absolutely gonna volunteer to help out for their camps next time and gain even more perspectives and experiences.

my own fantasy.

2010-06-07T07:32:00.001-07:00

Happiness and joy that comes only from fictional characters?

How pathetic can I be?! :D

Tree planted by the living waters.

2010-04-12T05:19:00.000-07:00

For my own good.

I need to get rid of all these emotions that is not of God.

God has not given me the spirit of fear, but of power and love and a calm, well balanced mind.

I long for the living water that quenches my thirst.

I've tasted and I've seen.

Come once again to me.

I desire for You to be my first love once again.

I will draw near to you.

I yearn to dwell in Your courts all the days of my life.

Better is one day in Your courts

Better is one day in Your house

Better is one day in Your courts

Than a thousand elsewhere.

Love that lasts.

2010-04-06T21:26:00.000-07:00

Before I zonk out, I just wanna sit down and dwell upon my friend C's testimony of her life . (For confidential purposes, we will know her as C. hehe.)

God is really wonderful, unfathomable, miraculous, merciful and LOVING.

God never fails to reach out to people whom others might despise, deem hopeless, and maybe even consider as trash. But are trash really trash? Do you really think that trash is valueless? Is it really true? Even people recycle trash now - they help make the earth green.

C was a screwed up kid (that's what she says, and her description does make her sound a lil screwed up, but she's still as screwed now. hehehe :P). Yet with the divine intervention of God, she has been transformed and has become a great blessing to those around her.

The underlying potential and worth of a "trash", crying out so much to be freed, that countless judgmental and self-righteous people so often and conveniently overlook.

Have you seen it? Have you felt it?

I'm so marveled and grateful for a God who sees and a God who cares - especially for these "trashes". My heart aches and overwhelms with conviction when I know that I may be one of the culprits who choose to dump these trash away. Yet God never forsake them. They are the ones, humble as they are, contrite as they are, worthless as they may think they are, that God chooses to use. Trash are THE ones who has been chosen to flabbergast the proud and self-righteous.

A screwed up kid bringing joy, blessing, comfort to those around her?

YES.

With all finality.

That's how Great and loving my God is.

Every time you think you are worthless? Think again.

You are King over the flood.

2010-03-26T02:24:00.001-07:00

"I am shouting to be freed. I need to be freed!"

I'm in the most horrendous stage in my life. This term is driving me up the wall. I have never before felt that much of a need to constantly be entertained and stopping myself from being made depressed by school work.

Can I be ministered to? Lord, would You please...

"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."

~NLT Phil 4:8

----------------------------------------------------

"Life is like music. It has high and low notes. No matter how high or low your notes may be, keep it in tune with God and you'll never go out of tune in the music of life."

My dream.

2010-03-25T02:28:00.000-07:00

I know I have many dreams and aspirations.

I wanna teach drums.

I wanna wanna teach drums.

I wanna share with youths.

I wanna wanna share Christ with youths.

Actually, that's all. haha. (Anti-climax I know...)

But I know these 2 dreams need much discipline and hardwork.

I'm gonna work for it.

Thank You for making my life so much bearable.

2010-03-23T02:59:00.000-07:00

I really need to thank You Father, for never abandoning me, for always being faithful to me, for always bringing FRIENDS into my life.

I really thank You that my week is so much bearable with tuesdays around, able to go home with bridggy and just laugh and yak our way home. It's really refreshing time for me.

I also wanna thank You so much that in the midst of so much stress and when I really need someone to just talk to, Christine is always talking to me and making me laugh.

Lord, this semester is really mad. The difficulty of modules plus the lack of incentive and motivation to study plus boring school life really kills me.

I'm glad there are Saturdays to look forward to too - drums class and church.

I NEED to press on and hold on. I can't give up. Lord, deliver me from my struggles!

You can hear my inner screammmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!! ARHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

------------------------------------------

I just NEED to cry.

Assorted thoughts.

2010-03-14T03:58:00.000-07:00

Just returned from gals retreat and it is really one of the few camps that I can truly say I learned something/provoked in me some thoughts to dwell upon and consider. I really liked the two speakers, though they share in very different styles. I guess it's the applications and the "not-already-well-known" knowledge that captivated my attention.

Just some things that I have learnt before I forget:

1) 1+1 = 1 NOT 1/2 + 1/2 = 1

This is supposed to be some marriage equation, but I'm sure it applies to friendships too. The equation explicitly shows the mystery of God where it is just illogical for 1+1=1! But with the mystical characteristic of God, this is possible. We are 1 no matter what because, with Christ who liveth in us, we are made complete. We really have no lack in anything as we are in search of our partner or friends. They are not the source that makes us whole, but God.

2) When is the time to enter a BGR?

When our God-needs and friend-needs are met. I thought that is very true. This is the way to a healthy BGR because this will help us avoid the path to a romanticized relationship, which many of us fall prey to. When the buckets in our hearts are filled by God and friends, we are whole, we are secure, we are loved. There is no emptiness from within that we will need to seek our partners to fill the vacuum, but rather, a godly relationship that offers you a partner to just spend your whole lifetime with. (:

3) Comparisons and Competition

Many of us are trapped in this stronghold where we just find it so hard to uproot ourselves from. We are constantly comparing ourselves with others, or even comparing ourselves to our very own expectations - a life of a rat race.

However, if you do realize, all this boils down to our want to "prove ourselves worthy", so that people will love us. This is telling of our situation in life where we do not feel loved.

This is really something shared by the speaker which has been bugging my mind all these while. There are so many of us, myself inclusive, doing things for others, pleasing others, proving to others of our worth - so just to be loved. But God our Father already loved us so much!! He is enthralled by our beauty. We are all made beautiful by God. So be secured of your very own identity in God my friends. (:

So, that one day of spiritual journey with my church friends was so fun, and I do think we really bonded so much! ((: I'm just loving them more and more each day.

Anyway, today a worship team from Malaysia led worship in our church and there was dance ministry too. There's really this stirring inside me to dance as I worship and I really really really want to. The liberation you feel as you dance for God. The outward expression of one's inner love for Him. The expression of love and want for Him that cannot suffice with just lifting of hands or slight swaying of your body, but one which only can be liberated through a dance movement. I really wanna dance as David danced.

Flying Sticks.

2010-03-06T23:53:00.001-08:00

I feel like a freaking loser drummer when my sticks go flying in the air. (No, it was not a stunt.)

At first, it was funny. But now, it is irritating.

I'm learning to play with one hand now, so that in any case my stick slips off again, I will not stumble and cause a disruption to the worship.

As I was sitting on the drum's stool, praying that the stick will not fly out of my hand again, I felt so crushed. I felt like the flying drum stick while my hand was God. How many times have I "slip" off from Him and turned away from Him? Why do I keep doing that when I have experienced His goodness and His love so many times?? WHY? Why is it that the drum stick keep sliding off from my grasp? Why is it that I, keep running away from God?

What use can a pair of drumstick have when its on its own? It can do NOTHING. But when it's in the hands of the Sovereign one, it can make - GREAT MUSIC.

"Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing."

"We are the world"

2010-03-04T18:48:00.000-08:00

I never want to forget this! (:

Oh boy! This is what singing is all about!

- The togetherness

- The love for people

- The fun and unity

- The healing and comfort it brings to the soul

Let's not undermine the power of singing.

A sister or a brother?

2010-03-04T05:45:00.001-08:00

What if I really do have a sibling?

I will have...

A companion to tease at

A companion to laugh with

A companion to fight with

A companion to share with

A companion to have fun with

A companion to love for who he/she is...

Life will be so much fun.

Earthquakes. End of age.

2010-02-28T00:57:00.000-08:00

My heart feels unsettled, and I just feel like taking some time off to dwell on major disasters occurring around the world. For once, I feel extremely concerned over this massive earthquake that struck Chile a few hours ago and the many countries in pacific region which are under threat. The sheer thought of the number of lives at stake is just -- scary. Yes, they might be utter strangers to me, yet, what if I am part of their indigenous population? I will be the one praying fervently now, that my loved ones and I will be safe.

In retrospect, what more can I ask of God other than being forever grateful and thankful that He has placed me in Singapore, a land shielded by neighboring countries from the devastating impacts of the slippage of transform faults? The homes that people in the States have lost in a split of a second, their valuables that are prolly destroyed and buried under the debris, do I have to face that? Do I have to worry about these? No. What more can I ask of Him?

My heart aches as I thank God for my circumstance. What did I do to deserve this? If not for the grace of God, I might be one of them. I really wish, with all sincerity of heart and love that I can gather, that we will all live in One continent, where we are far away from these fault lines, away from the reach of tsunamis, and protected from the impacts of volcanic eruptions.

This reminds me of the land God has in stored for us. One that is free from natural disasters and the pain/toils in life, where joy and love flows unceasingly. The one that He has in mind when He first created Earth.

Lord, may I pray and ask that Your hand of protection be on the lives of these innocent people, and for those who have lost their love ones, their shelter, their valuables, I pray that You help them, comfort them, provide for them. This may be a massive earthquake affecting millions of people, but as we call for Your help, I have all faith that You are able to curtail the number of death rates. Lord, these are precious lives. Save them.

Hardened.

2010-02-26T04:22:00.001-08:00

My heart is hardened.

Yes, it really did affect me very much when I first found out about it. My imagination ran wild, my sleeps disturbed. I felt surreal.

But now, my heart is hardened.

I can't seem to grasp hold of my own feelings.

Am I refusing to believe that such a thing has befall me?

Am I refusing to believe that a man of principles (at least that's what I perceive) would do such a thing?

Anyhow,

I want to see each and every thing that comes my way as an opportunity.

An opportunity to bring Christ into my family.

An opportunity that my family will come together.

It's just weird how everything is going now.

The calm, composed, amiable, yet uncomfortable vibes enveloping my house

Why cant someone quarrel?? At least it's more normal.

Lord, I invite you into my household. May Your glory shine forth.

Can I borrow 25RM?

2010-02-22T03:42:00.000-08:00

A woman came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find her 5-year old son waiting for her at the door.

SON: 'Mummy, may I ask you a question?'

MUM: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the woman.

SON: 'Mummy, how much do you make an hour?'

MUM: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the woman said angrily.

SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'

MUM: 'If you must know, I make RM 50 an hour.'

SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.

SON: 'Mummy, may I please borrow RM 25?'

The mother was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities..'

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The woman sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the woman had calmed down, and started to think:

Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that RM 25 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The woman went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

'Are you asleep, son?' She asked.

'No Mummy, I'm awake,' replied the boy.

'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the woman. 'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the RM 25 you asked for.'

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you Mummy!' he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.

The woman saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his mother.

'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the mother grumbled.

'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied.

'Mummy, I have RM 50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you..'

The mother was crushed. She put his arms around her little son, and she begged for his forgiveness.

--- FINIS ---

I would too. For friends I love, I would.

even if it just means for that few minutes in exchange for much of my money and time.

I would.

even when I know I may not mean as much,

I still would.

I would do anything to appreciate and cherish my friends.

Being hurt and disappointed is purely another matter.

SILly

this I know.

Frustrated.

2010-02-06T22:15:00.000-08:00

My band don't seem to be able to work very well with one another, and I really feel very frustrated whenever I play with ___ . ___ plays his own way and thinks he's playing well but it doesn't blend in together with the music, and sometimes it gets so messy I just can't play, and I don't know what/how to play.

God, help me with the bitterness.

I can't carry on serving you in this band if I do not rid of it.

Surprise!

2010-01-28T02:58:00.000-08:00

This sem's modules are so tough and demanding. I really don't know how I'm gonna do it, but I'll trust in God and do my best. I need some play!

Talking about play, I tried to play a prank today. haha. Which of course, failed miserably. :(

Woke up superb early today, 5:30am, to make sure I reach Yishun Sec by 6:30am to surprise Ms Seng. I foreboded she was not gonna walk in or take a bus, so I may have to whip out a back up plan (which I don't have, and I think calling her deflates the surprise factor) - and wella! she DROVE to sch. I was so glad I prayed and kept telling God that if in any case she doesn't go to sch by any of the routes I conjectured, then please tell me. God totally answered my prayer and her mum passed me by and saw me! In my heart, that was the cue of a FAILED surprise - unable to stun her by my sudden appearance.

So, since it was already past 7am, I called her frantically and phew! she returned my call or I would have a totally wasted trip today. My last last last resort was actually to deposit the item at the security guard stand if she does not contact me by 7:15am. haha. I like how everything is 7. it was 7am, 6miss calls+1 reutrn call = 7 calls. Totally complete perfect number! :D

I think one thing I hate about surprises is the uncertainty and risk factor you have got to undertake. Seriously, either my "surprise" skill needs to be honed, or Ms Seng just always never fails to spoil my plan. The one who should be scared always gives me heart-attack instead.

RE.

2010-01-24T02:17:00.000-08:00

Renewed. Recommitted. Restored. Revealed.

Love you God.

2010-01-11T17:32:00.000-08:00

You gotta move house. I should let a new tenant in.

See the tree? Turn left 2km ahead

2010-01-03T18:19:00.000-08:00

"Turn left 2Km ahead."

That was what my GPS told me.

"Turn left? Where does it want to go? Turn right! Straight to TPE."

That was what my living GPS (papa) retorted.

"Err..To trust or not to trust. That's the question. A 30 years experienced driver or a man-made device that may be screwed and outdated?"

That was my inner question and dilemma.

I as an amateur driver was torn between two choices. Arhhhh!

In a split second, my head had to juggle between the choices. With the many "what if's" and "buts" flooding my head. "What if I went the GPS way? What if the GPS is shorter? But my dad more experienced. I feel more secured. What iffff...." and the traffic light turns green....darn! MAKE A CHOICE!

As an eco-friendly and petrol-minded driver, I want to travel the shortest and most inexpensive direction.

Doesn't that remind us of some spiritual principles?

The GPS represents God whilst my living GPS personifies the world, both calling and urging us in deviating directions. They are a pain in the ass right? Because I wish there is a middle path that I can go straight blindly w/o having to make my choices. The petrol is like our lifespan, the available time left to accomplish something, to carve something for our name. Which idiot will want to go the roundabout and a longer way?

But isn't that true of God sometimes? Your wasted years are His fruitful years. Your roundabouts are His expressways. In the midst of the longer way, our characters unfold, our characters refined. Our head knowledge and "know-it-all" can be detrimental to us if we use it to drive God away, and be our own God. Who, truly is, the "know-it-all?" Is your knowledge higher than His? Are your ways higher than His?

A classic example happened last thursday as Dorothy and I were waiting for a bus opposite chong pang. So since I was acquainted with Sembawang and Yishun, needless to say, I lead the way right? Haha. But being me, as always, I kept joking and pranking the poor gal, tricking her to board the wrong bus, imagining myself waving goodbye to her and seeing her at the next stop, that she became so insecure, and resolved to check the bus directory. "Like what?! hello! I'm the Sembawang GURU here!!" That was so offensive. HAHA. So I, being offended (just kidding, I'm not), caught her by her neck and almost strangled her, asking "Do You have a serious problem trusting in God?" "I have a problem trusting YOU" she retorted. hahaha.

But lil did she know, the very question posted to her backfired and... Ouch!

"do I have a problem trusting God? do i... do I... DO I??"

Do WE have a problem trusting God? Trusting the GPS? The temporal security and trust placed on our head knowledge and reasoning goads us away and shuts us from the true calling and purpose God has for our lives. How far can your eyes see? Where your head knowledge is leading you, there might be a heavy traffic jam slightly ahead, beyond your vision. "WHAM!" road rage ahead and you got involved in an accident. Or..."Shoots, I'm lost" Our petrol might run even lower than if we took God's direction.

Let God be the driver in your life 2010. (:

Lord we need Your grace and mercy

2009-12-25T07:09:00.000-08:00

Lord, send revival God

Lord, shake my church

Lord, do something

Do something

I know

the more we want You

the more we desire for You

more opposition we face

more hindrance comes in our way

but heck

Bind them in the name of Jesus

Cast them out into the soul of hell

Pour forth Your anointing and spirit

and break us from the bondage of sin

God You know we need You

I wish I knew what to pray

The words that swish like a razor-edged dagger

the words that destroy his hands

I wish I can find the right words

Pierce right through to the heart of the evil

But God, words fail me

Only You can fight this battle

We need You

Pay it forward

2009-12-10T20:56:00.001-08:00

Why is it that simple yet utterly powerful truths are so often discovered by little children? The unceasing faith, hope and love that they cling unto empower them to discover truths that world-conforming adults fail to see.

Little Trevor exposed a deception that everyone is made deluded, taken in, fooled…Convicted and comprehending the power of love, he overthrew the idea of the impossibility of 'one man changing the world' with a principle we so commonly see in weddings ... ... without second thoughts.

Look at the similarity of Trevor’s idea!

However, Trevor missed out something. The ONE man does not do it alone; the wine that he pours forth has to come from somewhere, preferably an unlimited bottle of wine – the love of God. It is not a top down approach. It is a top down-left-right approach. (Haha. Sorry, for want of a better description. hehe.) Every tier is a multiplication of the one above it. As your cup overflows with the unceasing outpouring of wine from above, your wine trickles down into the empty cups of lost souls and even those whom you love. As their cups are steadily filled by the abundance of wine from yours, they start to catch hold of the hope and love they never once knew. When that happens, the uncontainable excitement and energy within spreads like wild fire across their circle of influence and it creates a rippling effect, or maybe…even a tsunami of love.

This is how much…

How much You and I can make a difference.

Pay it forward.

Amen.

"Tomorrow is not a promise, but a chance"

2009-12-07T15:51:00.000-08:00

That is her favorite quote and I believe that she lives by this quote everyday, looking at eternity in the light of it being moments away than a faraway future. She lived a really good life and the plan of God unfolding in her life is totally PERFECT. Her journal entries are so God-inspired. I cant string a sentence good enough to describe the miraculous work and move of God in her life. Just grab a copy of her biography and read for yourself to see how perfect it was.

P.S Im not undermining the word "perfect" here. The life she lived was perfect in the standards of this sinful world.

Rachel Joy Scott was and still is a living example of faith and if we were living in the BCs, im sure she will be a snippet of the bible. Talking about being in the bible, a thought just struck my mind. The "fullstop" does not end in revelation Chapt 22. It continues on, and is constantly being written and recorded in biographies, revelations/prophecies in churches, etc! God is continuing His work and these biographies have got so great an impact because its something we can relate to in this century we are living in. God is never outdated. He is even more updated than we are. These biographies are His way of bringing Moses, Abraham, Rachel, Paul, Joseph, David, Solomon alive again in the context of the 21st century.

Oh God, I pray that You continue to inspire us and keep us close in Your presence. That we may start to see that we little threads in your tapestry forms such grand designs that we can never imagine - if only we just allow your hand to weave us through it. I love you oh God. I love you.

Chorus
Ashira l'adonai ki ga'oh ga'ah
Ashira l'adonai ki ga'oh ga'ah
Michamocha, ba-elim adonai
Michamocha nedar-bakodesh
Nachitah v'chasd'cha, am zu ga'alta
Nachitah v'chasd'cha, am zu gaalta
Ashira, Ashira, Ashira...

Translation
I will sing unto Adonai for He has triumphed gloriously.
I will sing unto Adonai for He has triumphed gloriously.
Who is like You, O Adondai, among the gods?
Who is like You, glorious in holiness?
In Your mercy, you lead the people You redeemed.
In Your mercy, you lead the people You redeemed.
I will sing, I will sing, I will sing...

AMEN.

The day I was born.

2009-11-14T06:55:00.000-08:00

Thank you God for the amazing friends, the really nice surprise from Jean, Jo and Mich (why are you not a J? haha) in particular.

I'm extremely grateful for everything You have done in my life and how I wish my parents will understand my joy of having known You. You are the greatest gift I ever had and I love you so. Today, let me surrender my life unto You Lord, that You lead me, guide me to the purpose You have in stored for me. Transform me from glory to glory that I may be a vessel for You. You know my heartfelt prayer and I pray that You hear me oh God.

Michelle, good sharing! If you ever see this that is! haha. Im so sad I cant find the video you used! I almost cried. haha. I'm so happy God moved and I did not miss it!

God is good all the time.

2009-11-06T04:51:00.000-08:00

Heave a sigh of relief. School's over guys double YAY! THOUGH exams are in 2 weeks time, at least I still have some time to catch a breather now.

I really want to give thanks to God for how he has sustained me through this 2 weeks and really blessed me. I had to juggle 3 tests and a 2000word ed. pysc essay in this week alone and it would have killed me or drove me crazy if not for the strength and peace God has given freely to me. Yesterday night, God really helped me struggle through the whole night till break of dawn to finish up my essay. It was just miraculous. Thank you my loving God! (:

The next whoohah in my life within this week was that my parents have given the green light for me to get my drumset! (though with some really bad drama that happend in between)

Whatever it is, I was so excited and today, I popped by Yamaha, ready to purchase the DTexplorer which Josh introduced. However, my heart fell straight in love with the DTexpress right at the end of the shop, being displayed right in the middle. I couldn't help but stare and fiddle around with it. It was my first love though it came at a higher price of an additional $1k.

However, I did my mental calculations and compared the specs and sealed in my heart that I will get no other except the DTexpress. This is because, in PRACTICAL TERMS, not emotional impulse, it resembles a acoustic drumset more than DTexplorer as it can produce sounds such as rim shots and the bell sounds on the crash symbols which cant be made by the explorer. Also, the sound produced is much nicer. As I considered and weighed my options, I layed my heart on EXpress and that was the only way I can truly EXpress (a pun. hehe) my feelings in playing especially having something more similar to a real acoustic drumset to practice for worship playing.

As you can guess, I had to of course, ask my parents for the extra money. I pondered a long while in Yamaha, prayed to God and ask if that was the right choice, and somewhat, I felt reassured that I will be able to get the Express. So as I come home, God really opened an opportune moment for me as my dad was in the room looking at some paper. I was timid, but plucked up my courage and went over to ask my dad for money. He didn't understand why I needed a better and more expensive drumset and I didn't bother to explain much as I was unable to relate all the reasons in chinese. But guess what?! He didn't wait for my response and walked over to his wardrobe and retrieved almost $800 from a pocket in his shirt (seriously, who keeps so much money in their shirt?! I was so sure it was the work of God) and topped it up with an additional $200 from his wallet. I felt so bad having him to top up another $1k and he did not make me feel any better as he told me not to anyhow use money while he gave me that bit. I felt SO BAD. But I rather spend the extra $1k now rather than having to upgrade/change my drumset next time when it becomes inadequate for my learning/practice.

After saying oh so much, what I want to say is just how good God is to me that my dad willingly gave me the money and pour it out on me, where there is no certainty that this money will be well invested. This is what touched me most. But dad and mum, I just want you all to know that you will reap twofolds and many more as you have blessed a child of God to equip her to serve God more skillfully and I truly believe in my heart that my God will bless you all in return as much as you all ain't believers. Also, in more practical terms, not only will the money you invested be returned to you ONCE I become more financially able, this money you have invested, I will ensure the "high rate of returns" by practicing hard and improving my skills.

Thank you mum, dad, God. (:

Dream a dream.

2009-10-29T16:30:00.000-07:00

I dreamt a good dream. A bird was struggling up a hill. Facing the steep slope and stumbling every single time it took a misstep. And on another scene, another similar bird who was aware it has, and uses his wings, flew up the hill with such ease.

Moral of story: Have we realized the wings by our side all along? Have we been doing everything on our own strength or have we been relying on God? Are you feeling helpless or restful? God's presence is always with us. He is behind us, with us, and before us. Let's all start using our wings of faith and really soar high above!! (:

It only takes a word 'Surrender' for your life to prosper.

God please guide me, prompt me, remind me of all the mistakes so that later on will be the most perfect drive of my lifetime. Let me pass and so I can channel the resources to getting myself a drumset! It's high time I polish my skills and practice! (:

KILL

2009-09-14T05:39:00.000-07:00

I am going to KILL if you don't show me you really care by tonight.

GODDDDD. I NEED TO NOT TAKE OFFENSE. HOWWWWW???????
I really want to but I cant take ittttt. It takes a God to not feel angry.

Who is God?

2009-08-22T06:01:00.000-07:00

EVER PRESENT, ALL POWERFUL, ALL KNOWING
1) Communication between God and us
2) Counselor (Holy Spirit) - directions
3) Purpose in life

Introduction
Who is God to you?
God can basically be known as a Creator, a Judge and a Savior. As a creator, it reflects His sovereignty. As a Judge it reflects upon His holiness, and as a Savior, it portrays His loving-kindness.
However, do we really see these qualities in Him? Have we experienced it? How certain are you about it? How are you then able to worship a God when your experiential knowledge, your spiritual sensitivity towards God renders you uncertain about who He is?
Therefore, it is vital to know God personally, truly gain the first hand experience of the attributes of God, before we can fully overcome the skepticism within us and fully immerse ourselves in the heart of worship.

Role-play Scenario (Example of a Christian who does not know Jesus intimately)
Nuts and Tom are church mates. Jerry are strangers to both.
Nuts: Hey Tom, you know that guy? He looks like a new comer.
Tom: Yea man! He’s my BEST FRIEND!
Nuts: WHAT? Since when have you started knowing him?
Tom: Just a minute ago.

How many of us here today will go up to a stranger and say, “I love you man! You are my best friend! I know it deep in my bones” ?
In common cases, a majority of us will not declare one as our best friend before we have fully assessed the person left-right-up-down-in-and-out.
And if the person wants to gain our respect, he/she must show us that they are worthy of our respect before we even start to acknowledge them.
This works the exact same way when it comes to our relationship with God. How can we ever idolize Him, respect Him, if we know not who He is personally. If you do not find out His character by beginning your relationship with God, you will never EVER draw closer to God, much less “allow Him the opportunity to earn” the command of respect He deserves in you.

“Allow Him the opportunity to earn” because He has done all things needed to draw upon himself the upmost respect He deserves among His creations, but God is prefers/values the personal touch, the personal process of growth. He desires your interest in finding out who He is. He is gives all of us a CHOICE to build the command of respect He deserves, He allows you to slowly uncover your deep respect for Him.
Respect and awe does not come in a day, it comes by spending time with God everyday, knowing more about Him each day to build up that trust, that reverence. God promises that He will reveal Himself to those who hunger and thirst for Him.

Now that we have seen the need to know God for who He is personally, we will take the next step - building our relationship with God.

Many of us might find it hard to worship God, to communicate with Him because we can’t see Him nor feel Him. It might come across a little too abstract for some of us. (Personal experience where I felt like I was merely rambling to thin air, talking to oneself, spouting words that we doubt will ever be communicated to God. I.e.: prayers at dining tables.)
God may not have given us an image of Himself for us to look at to worship, but He has told us that He is Spirit. (John 4:24 God is Spirit, and His worshippers must worship Him in spirit and in truth).
As much as He does not have a body like us, he possesses all characteristics and personality, He thinks, feels, and wills.

It is essential we know God is Spirit because it is a factor when it comes to changing our perception of spending time with God. When we know He is Spirit, we know He will respond! He can talk to us, he can do things! We know we are not ignored. We know He EXISTS.
For an example, what determines a good/solid/close friendship with you and your friend? Quality Time spent together? Someone who hears you out? Someone you know who will always be there for you now and forever - a soul mate.
And why do you think they use the word “SOUL”? Doesn’t it tell you that someone you can anchor your life with is someone you know you have a far deeper connection with than the surface, the material things. He/ she is someone you communicate with your heart (authenticity) - It involves the Spirit.

God created us in His image. That means that his approach to relationship with us, is the same as how we approach our relationship with others! To draw closer to God means that our SPIRIT needs to commune with GOD who is a SPIRIT!
We can’t see Him, we can’t feel Him, we don’t need to, because the heart connection is far more powerful, He can give our Spirit assurance that He is here with us, He is listening to us, He understands us, etc.

When we know that He is a Spirit, we will be assured that someone acknowledges our prayer, it’s not some words we utter to just let us feel better that we prayed, but we know that this prayer of ours has been spoken to someone who is able to bring circumstance, bring things in our life, to change things, for the prayer to take effect!! And when it does, our faith increases even more as the power of prayer tells us that God is valid, existent powerful Spirit.

This Spirit of assurance is not an inner emotion or feeling that can be brought about as long as I make/force myself believe, or have some head knowledge of who God is. But this assurance can only be given by God to be felt by our own inner spirit. That’s why when you try to ask someone, how does he/she feels so assured of the presence of God, he/she probably can’t explain to you in words! Or he/she may say “You just know it.” Because it is not derived from a certain step of ways, or things we do for God, or even words we read in the bible, but it is God who puts in you the spirit of assurance.

It’s the same way as how when we are going through a traumatic experience, or some nerve wrecking situation, and when we trust it in the hands of God, the peace that surpasses all understanding floods in. In the same way, can you understand how the peace came about? Is it something you do that caused it? No. It is God given.
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.” (John 14:27)
This spiritual sensitivity can only be awakened when we stop doubting and start walking with God in faith. “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek Him.” (Hebrews 11:6)

Once we have established our communication with God, we want to glorify Him, we will start to seek counsel for the directions or path to take when we are confronted with choices to make.

Since God is Spirit, that means He is omnipresent. He is here in this church now, and at this very instant, He is also all the way to the North/South pole, the whole earth, the space. He has the ability to be everywhere.

His eyes, his presence has never left you (Jeremiah 23:23,24 “Am I a God nearby,” declares the Lord, “and not a God faraway? ... Do not I fill heaven and earth?”) a single minute because in the bible it says, “In Him we live, we move and exist”. Like David said, we can’t flee from God’s presence, as “never will He live us, never will He forsake us”.

Better still, God gave a part of His trinity to each and everyone of us – Holy Spirit. Now, that means that everywhere we go, God’s “indwelling presence” resides in us. Please do not think that the Holy Spirit is a subset of God. Holy Spirit IS GOD, He’s just another form of God like how water has got 3 states and they all play a different distinct role. So Holy Spirit is equally powerful, equally almighty and sovereign. (That’s why we are not to defile ourselves because we ought to be a holy temple for the dwelling of God.)

The Holy Spirit as we know is also known as the Counselor. It can only be so He has the ability to know our thoughts, discern our motives, and understand our weaknesses. He knows when you stand, when you sit. He even knows what you are going to say even before you speak it.
Therefore, He CAN guide us, give us wisdom, and impress upon us the thoughts of God. “I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go, I will counsel you and watch over you”
“Ask and it shall be given to you, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened unto you.”

When we are in line with the will of God, when we have started to trust God, to seek His will, we will yearn for His purpose/plans for us on earth.

With God in you, What are you not be able to accomplish??!
“Nothing is impossible with Christ who strengthens us.” “By His mighty power at work within us, He is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope”
Not only is he always and immediately beside you, He is also empowering you from within. The Holy Spirit that is moving in well-known Christians/pastors such as Bill Bright, Max Lucado is the same Holy Spirit within you. “The Holy Spirit is Christian’s power supply.”
Now how awesome is this, not only is He in you, beside you, the bible also says, “He will go ahead of you. He will never fail you nor forsake you.”

“Many are in the plans of man’s heart, but it is the purpose of the Lord that prevails.”

“I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future.”

Some of us might question or plead with God, why do I have to be born in this family? Why do I have this weird feature on my face? Why do I have to go through all this hell? whY wHY and more WHY!!!
“God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes for them”
He never forsakes us, He knows the plans that are best for us.

The blue eyes parable
Amy Carmichael was one of the most beloved missionaries during the end of the 19th and beginning of the 20th centuries. She served God for fifty-five years. Sherwood Eddy wrote: ”Amy was the most Christian-like character I ever met, and her life was the most fragrant, the most joyfully sacrificial, that I ever knew.”

When she was growing up in Ireland, she desperately wanted blue eyes. With the faith of a child, she truly believed that God would change her brown eyes to blue if she asked Him. One night, she prayed fervently for blue eyes, then confidently went to bed. When she awoke the next morning, she ran to the mirror. Her same brown eyes were reflected in the glass. How disappointed she was!!

Later during her years in India, she became aware of the tragic plight of many girls from poor families who were sold to Hindu temples as prostitutes. Amy began rescuing this young girls and bringing them to her home in Dohnavur to raise tem and teach them how much God loves them. She would stain the white skin with coffee grounds and dress in Indian clothing so she could sneak into the temples unnoticed. One day, as she dressed, she realized that her disguise worked only because she had brown eyes. Blue eyes would have been a dead giveaway!
At that moment, she realized that one of the reasons God said no the her prayer as a child was because He had a plan for her future that involved the lives of hundreds of other precious little ones. God had known her future – even when she was a little girl half a world away.

I have not gone missing, I'm having my fun.

2009-08-14T00:26:00.000-07:00

I love School! (:

School is nice, people are nice, most lecturers are good - I'm really having fun!

In a weeks time I'm gonna share in youth service on the attributes of God. I really don't know how I'm going to do it. Oh God, I really pray you bring me through. Speak with my lips oh God.

I pray You help me gobble down the book within this week and that I can still find time to do my homework!! This is time you show me more of your attributes too! I know you are listening. (:

You and I.

2009-08-05T23:07:00.000-07:00

Nobody knows
Just why we're here
Could it be fate
Or random circumstance
At the right place
At the right time
Two roads intertwine

And if the universe conspired
To meld our lives
To make us
Fuel and fire
Then know
Where ever you will be
So too shall I be

As much as I'm not in love, this is really a beautiful, flawless piece of love poem that deserves our ATTENTION. (:

Upwards.

2009-08-03T20:32:00.000-07:00

By faith I climb.
I am a few climbs away from the "next floor" in my life.
A new clean page where an upcoming exciting adventure will be written for the eyes of many.

By faith I climb.
In everything I do, may you be exalted and glorified.
The higher up I ascend, I know your will will only become clearer.
So, let your purpose be done in my life.

By faith I climb.
There is something wrong with blogger.

Mutually Exclusive.

2009-07-27T01:13:00.000-07:00

The shape of love is exquisite - its curvature is perfect. But don't... don't stop here. Love is beautiful.
God is Love. God made love. God wants love to shine forth in this world.

Love being beautiful, being sacred is precisely the point why it is not easily grasped. How priceless can it be if it is so easily attained?

Nowadays, I struggle so much with love. People who irritates me with their speech and action; treats me as their beck and call, etc. But love constantly reminds me that it is not judgmental, it is not prideful. It is pure, untainted concern and care for each and everyone God has made.
It's tough. It's challenging. It requires me to die to my flesh EVERYDAY. YET, the knowledge of knowing the outcome of having loved serves as my driving force, my motivation.

When we can start to love, authenticity prevails. That means...
A world without..
Hypocrisy BUT true sincerity;
War BUT endless peace;
Hurt BUT happiness;
Distrust BUT Faith
The list can go on and on, but the gist of it is the POWER of love. Love is the key to transformation. The key to stamp out our misery.

As much as it eats me up so much (my sinful nature) when I have to stop right there at the very point when i know I'm gonna judge, gonna start disliking, and instead, turning around to look at the plank in my own eye, I will pursue to be a loving person relentlessly, such that Shirlyn is love. haha.
Perfection is beyond reach, but we can be perfect for the standards of a sinner, and as we yearn to be righteous and blameless in our walk, Father in heaven will open the doors for us as we seek and knock. He promised to give freely.
Everyone craves a loving world, but what stops us so much from loving is because, sinning is easier. Not only do we not have to face the internal struggle that those who are righteous face, but it also satisfies our thirst to feel good about ourselves. In another words, pride. (This only goes to show how short sighted we are. Pleasures of the fleeting moment.)
As I am writing this post, it just occured to me that our pride, the pride that stamps from our ego, is the greatest stumbling obstacle in us loving one another. When Jesus came into this world, did pride get the better of him? No, when pride exists, love don't. when love exist, pride disappears. It's mutually exclusive.
Im certain that the spectrum I'm covering about pride and love is really narrow and giving much injustice to both the words, however, if we can love so much (the points I have covered), I can guarantee we will be the most loving creatures in this universe.

Bonkers.

2009-07-23T06:50:00.000-07:00

I'm done.

I'm shutting out.

I have had enough.

Explosions are lethal. Distant yourselves. I'm lethal.

Friends.

2009-07-21T05:03:00.000-07:00

What does the word “ friend” mean to you?

Let me offer a few options.

(Note: non-exhaustive.)

- To have fun

- Kill time/boredom

- Your identity

- Show others you are not lonely

- Make you feel you are important

- Your beck and call

- Someone who loves you for who you are

- Someone you love, willing to pay any price

Take a look at what ice age suggests.

Regardless of their differences, a herd that embraces each other so readily. "Two are better than one …."

When one of them was in imminent danger, the rest were ready to lay down their lives to save him. "For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.."

They loved each other, protected one another. "If two lie down together, they will keep warm.."

Safety came second to saving their friend. "Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. "

Through thick and thin, they were there for each other. "And a threefold cord is not quickly broken."

That’s exactly my prayer when I step into the next phase of my life. A tightly knitted group of godly friends, different as we may be, but people with one heart; wanting only the best for each other; having God as our focal point.Therefore, let's choose our friends carefully, and when we find them, love them as we love ourselves. (:

Ice age is nice - funny and cute. (: Enjoyed it.

Life-shelving.

2009-07-20T06:09:00.000-07:00

Spring-cleaned and did some rearrangement to my room’s furniture today. Bet I impressed my parents cause they kept revisiting my room. Hehe. As I too, stood to admire the fruits of my labour, I felt so good! Right there and then, zig-zag boom! - a thought struck me.

Unknowingly, our lives can be so messed up sometimes. Unresolved conflicts/issues cluttering at a dimmish corner; activities, that we are so caught up in, splattered all over the desk; bags of sins such as pride, lies, unforgiveness, hatred, tossed across the room.

For all that, the last thing we ever do, is to whip out our heavy, demanding yet highly-effective “bible cleaning kit” to tidy them up, arrange them nicely on the racks of the “shelves of love”. And when I say shelving them away, it does not imply that we sweep them under the carpet, keeping them unresolved. On the contrary, its due to the love of God, we let the matters rest in the hands of God, hence tucking them nicely on the racks thereby letting the glory of God be eminent in our lives -at one glance.

Similar circumstance utilized by different people can achieve extreme results. Placed in identical shoes, one who maximizes every opportunity to glorify God may find himself eventually emerging as one who is stronger in character, becoming more effective, while the other, whose eyes are not consistently fixed on Jesus, may find themselves messing up their lives more and more.

Ultimately, this principle stands. A clean heart naturally makes us happier, consequently more magnanimous, more loving and assuredly I say to you, increasingly endeared by people as a the fruits of a clean heart, the wellspring of life, will only reflect the love of God. Our actions, the aftermath of our thoughts; our thoughts, the ramifications of the secret desires burning deep within.

Tell me then, how can a messy heart ever accommodate bigger tasks decreed by the commander above?

Construction-in-progress

2009-07-19T07:23:00.000-07:00

Qn: Will there be a time when work can ever be done?

Ans: Are you so easily satisfied?

Christians are constantly subjected to construction when they START yielding their lives to God, be it a microscopic habit refinement or a even major character metamorphosis, thus being transformed from glory to glory.

Have you stopped the work within you today?

This new add shall serve as a constant humble reminder that I am not perfect. Never will be. Therefore, thou shall not judge.